marshmellow vivi~~: I needed you.

Your eyes are beautiful.
Your voice is alluring.
Your touch is warm.
Your hair is a messy nest.
Your olive skin is unpredictable.
Your hands are within grasp

Yet it is your lips that appeal the most to me..
dry, chapped and unkempt, they have a certain lush appearance
that draws me closer, and closer, making me want
to dip my head in, and draw those lips into an internal entwine
in which i can taste you, taste your sweet taste, that is so
tempting, like the fruit on the Forbidden Tree in the garden of God

Become an Eve,
Taste a forbidden fruit
Fall from paradise
With only a Snow Drop to
Represent that once idyllic time
She was alone, in the winter cold
freezing, paling, yet an angel
had mercy
and gave her a snow drop

A hope

That one can never look back
Never regret
Only move forward
Look towards the warmth of others
That God had not yet taken away from her
Feelings
The beauty of heartbreak
The beauty of pain
The unknowing beauty that comes
with developing into a more humane character

So pure, yet so out of reach.
A sin to have, yet a desire unyielding
I want you so badly, that's the underlying truth
How long can I hold back?
How long can I watch your every move?
Contemplate your every expression?
And daze over your abash personality?

You've become a drug, an obsession
I can't stop anymore, I can't rid you of my thoughts
While my heart beats, my head cries out in disapproval
but what fool doesn't listen to their heart?

Take the chance, should I try?
Make a move, and watch it fall apart.
Becoming hypnotized, as if in a trance..
Be embraced, and pray for the moment to last forever
Watch the sunset and realise a fool's worth

Fields, a temporary halt
in the turbulent movement of time
A place of reflection
Makes me want to sleep...forever

Sit in silence as the wind blows, watching with you
in amazement the sheer power and beauty of
Mother Nature, so vast, so powerful, and yet
So abused, disregarded.

Hear your views, fight, disagree, yet
vehemently deny
your words of wisdom
the piercing pain, the
inability to keep you out
The desperation to shut you out
away...away in fear

Fear, fear of acceptance
fear of not being good enough
pretty?
funny?
charming?
Traits, fit for perfection
found within every person
yet not always explored and expressed

Generic, reciprocated
Possibly unrequited,
Feelings not returned, shunned, denied
Disregarded like your fickle nature
Thrown away like last nights dinner
Am I meaningful?
Do I have a purpose?
Do I mean anything to you?
Does you heart beat..even for a moment...?

Wondering, does thinking have a purpose?
Feelings, what if I hurt you?
Will my actions hurt myself?
Does it matter if I am hurt?
Can I be selfish, force my feelings on you?
Or will you draw back, move away, keep your distance
In your own assumed solution

A bond that transitions time
A moment that lasts forever
A memory that sparks a change
A time that become imprinted

Fear, preys on the mind
Hope shatters realities
Constant interferences
Take precious time away
That I want, only with you

Excuses to see you,
Never lies,
but heartache, seeing you smile
knowing that I am not the one
creating that smile
That that smile is not for me...but
rather for her..

See through me
See my thoughts
Become my mind reader
Only then will you truly understand
How much I am holding back
not just for me, but for you sake

Fade from white
Awkward, shy, hidden
Tears seep, you comfort
Heart-wrenching sights
What can I keep from you?

They pour out...
Disregarding all reason
Shattering all barriers
Trust is all I can give
and watch as I continue to
Lie to myself, over and over
To avoid the pain
the self damning inflicted pain
that will overwrite me
like a computer program

Your no vampire,
but your perfect
Even if Twilight has warped
what it is to be perceived as
Your existence
It isn't a blur
It's clear, well defined, just like the camera shots
Over and over, revealing a truth
Over and over, proving a theory
Over and over, giving false hope
and watching it build up and break down

It's futile, your means of protecting me
I've already wadded into the deep waters
I can't guard my heart forever
Come save me! I yell
my heart overflowing
Save me from myself
my evident flood of lack of self control
as it seeks to consume me

Numbness that stems from my own insecurity
is whisked away with your lingering voice
Repeating over and over again,
I needed love
and I needed you

If only I knew you cared
that you valued my repetitive trust statements
my self confessed anxiety that came
from your lack of response