OMG SORRY PEOPLE
WHO ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG
it has been a while...i think it was before the bio exam that i put up my last post...
well guess wat??? a lot of eventful things have happened...where to start
THE BIO EXAM
dun dun dun...drumrolllllll
apparently as ryan described it to me it was as 'pleasureable as being beaten by an iron rod'
interesting...i didnt think that it was that bad..but thats just me, considering the fact that I am one of the few people who can show off and say that I FINISHED THE PAPER !!!! i wud luv to say suck shit to all the people who didnt finish, only problem is some of those people i realli luv...so thats a definite NO NO
lol but likewise...the multiple choice was uber fucked up..i mean i have no fucking clue y we wud want to mate a british and chinese pig for teats/tits for crying out loud!!! argh stupid bio and apparently it was the worst paper in 15 years. my principal and my 2 bio teachers stuck up a convo with me, which was kinda surprising, and poured out all their disregard and annoyance at the paper, but heck its done..nothing i can do..but still the shitty examiner who watched over us..i swear he finished 3 minutes early!!!!!!!!!! i met 3 other people who agreed!!! there goes 5 multiple choice that cud have been corrected. ah but fuck it, life goes on right...
well that monday was a good day...i mean after the exam i put some make up on, and my gorgeous darling kk came over. it was the best, i luved how she just rocked up, despite loosing her way to my house. see this is wat friends are for, and kk u are a perfect example of true friend :) luv u hunny (L) hmmm and well she stayed till 12, and we watched nausciaa and pigged out on chicken nuggets and heavily ladden chocolate ice cream...which reminds me, i shud have started going gym..i want to get one of those uber hot revealing swim suits but sigh..im too lazy and i mean the only person i ever wanted to impress in life just left me, so i guess it doesnt matter. anyhoos that night me and kk went to the park and talked...about our relationships and of course how we were squirming that the mosquitos found me more tasty than her. when we got home I WAS covered with 2 massive whooper bites, while beautiful kk was let unscathed...
anyhoos...i didnt cry when i watched nausicaa which was kinda..surprising:| i remember the first time i watched it, i was balling my eyes out till 1 in the morning, and boy it is a looonnnnggg movie. but likewise i wanted to call desh, cause i hadnt had any contact with my dearie in ages, only to get kinda shut down, but it still didnt get me down, cause i heard his beautiful sexy voice and i was like lol at least he picked up the phone :D the next day...was boring....literally i did nothing...i just stared at my mountain of hw and decided to go play wit my dog instead...
wednesday...sigh...the worst day ever...of this week...i shud sooo have no gone on msn. literally. i regret it to pieces. well the main event of that day that put me down was the person i luv and trust the most in the world, dumped me, or rather as jeremy says walked away without looking back. sigh jeremy u were so right. it was pointless, my feelings werent reciprocated, he didnt luv me, but u know wat i still luv him to pieces. i was prob my fault tho, im a pretty crap person mercy, even if u say u think im gorgeous. and for all the people out there who thought desh was wrong and just used me, ill tell u he gave me the most beautiful 3 months ever, and it just makes me love him even more :D but i dont know whether he cares or not...or wat he went through to break up with me, mayb he just went out with another chick the next day while i balled my eyes out and did some other stupid reckless thing which i wont mention, or kk will blast me hehe. but basically, after thinking about it and swearing at myself for an hour for letting me get so affected, i decided its time to grow up. i know carly u hate when people say it, but its the only thing i can say...its time i stopped relying on people. i guess i trusted desh and wanted to see him as a person who wud understand me and be there for when i needed him, and i think it was more selfish that he was tied down to me in this relationship, thats y i let him go...even tho it broke me to pieces. when i look back over the break up convo, i think sigh he wanted to say it from the start. but thank u people who gave a shit about me, screamed at me, and made me wake up and realise heck...im such an idiot, i reali reali am...for believing in a delusion. yes he still is my dearest person, but i gotta suck it up, bite my lip and change that love to friendship so that then i can support him if he gets a new gf, and tell her she is the luckiest girl in the world....yes i was sad, and depressed and yes i thought my world was over. but heck i want to dux year 12 next year and get an enter over 95 percent. so shudnt i suck it up and move on. sure itll be hard, and mayb im just saying this and acting strong, but if i dont learn now, then when will i. they always say the first relationship is never the best, and usually the worst (quote from elley at target) but i want to improve...im not sure if ill find another guy, but im grateful to god that i met desh, and that he was my bf for the short time he was. if i think that way, then i think desh was out of my league, which he was, and that i shud be uber grateful i had my chance with him, but heck ill miss him, and the smiles that he wud have for me, or the few times he swore at me, or when he ...ah sigh. i luv u deshan i reali do, and it shits me that iv lost u. but then i think wtf is wrong with me. i havent lost him, he is still alive and breathing, and hopefully in the future i can be like desh lets go out for coffee or walk up to him and give him a hug and kiss(on the cheek unfortunately) and be normal. thats wat i want, and i know it wont happen immediately, but this is my prayer, a selfish stupid one, that might not ever happen. hopefully ill get to perv on the new hot guys in my chem class next year, but then again lets see if i can even get into the top class. i want a guy with looks and brains, and sigh i just want him to be...just as gorgeous as desh was. and thanks guys, the amount of people who have threatened to bash the shit out of desh and have him jumped surprised me. people i thought who wud bag the crap out of me, are the ones that are the most supportive and offering to speak to him and kick his ass. but i wud never ask for it, cause like i said, he is still my most important person. and thank u kk, jeremy, sonam, carly, jean, luke, sav and mihiri and the other people that i havent mentioned but they know who they are, who have helped me. thank u. but overall the one thing i can leave this relationship with, is thanks. im reali grateful to deshan, he was beautiful, realli was.....boy he reali lite my life up :)
p.s. boys, please dont break up with ur gfs on msn...thats a NO NO..u do it in person, and not through text or phone either..u sit down with ur partner and explain ur reasoning and how u have come to the conclusion. sigh, i still dont know the reason for my break up...
hmm apart from that, i was heartbroken when i found out that nuwan died. i personally didnt know him, but nimasha did and it broke my heart to see her so down and i felt so hopeless, because my break up the day before has left me numbed and in a shit emotional state, which im not going to elaborate on.
but i wanted to the funeral, only problem was my mum wudnt let me and its tomorrow, the day when im working...and sigh...i feel like such a shit friend. not to mention grandma is dying and today when i talked to her i was in near tears. i thought i didnt care, but i was wrong. i was just as broken hearted when she called me and was desperately trying to tell me that she missed me, as if she had alreadi given up hope...please god, dont take anymore people away from me and the people who love them...first desh, then nuwan and now her...:( i wont be able to survive if i loose my dearest people..
which reminds me..my parents are shitting me. i mean i cant tell them that i was in a relationship in the first place, kinda sad, but sigh, i wish they wud leave me alone....they think they know their children, but they dont, and they dont bother to understand either. my life is so sheltered and overprotected by them, that i cant do anything...i dont even have privacy..i wonder how long it will be before this blog is found and deleted. i mean my texts and calls are monitored, my emails are checked, my msn deleted but i sneakily restored, and my laptop checked..i hate my life and i cant wait till i finish year 12...im off to schoolies or somewhere FAR FAR AWAY. lol take me away....
apart from that, on thursday it was our last chem tutor class, and i felt horrible because i cudnt even be happy for everyone, and as jeremy pointed out, some of us were depressed for the wrong reason. i was depressed cause of my break up and nuwan dying, sav was depressed because of stress for the exams, and mihiri was depressed cause i was depressed...sigh
i luv all of u mihiri and sav, it meant the world to me when u hugged me and told me to be strong.
but yeah..im sorry guys...i was in shits that day..i mean i woke up crying, because i realised that the break up the night before wasnt a dream, and my face was swollen, to the point i told my mum i had a hayfever attack, when realii i stayed up crying till 3 in the morning. and i cam to school and i buckled in front of my bio teacher, and she said she was so proud of me that i handled my break up so strongly...and then i spent 4 hours crying..cause i had spares the whoolllleee day, and all the teachers were uber worried and sigh..i wrote desh a massive ass letter with all my feelings and beautiful memories, and sealed them in there, so i wont think of them. sigh. did it reali have to end
but tutor..sigh it was nice to see sujit being lively and boasting how easy the bio exam was, when i like epically died...and he gave me a flower, like desh did, and i just gav his the first kiss he has ever gotten from a girl on his cheek. at least i made someone happy, while i felt like shit and made most of the people around me feel like shit. i was sad tho..despite my crying while i was waiting alone with isha for everyone to come, i wanted everyone to enjoy and not be held back because of me...im sorry everyone, i realli am...
but for now, i must retreat to studying for the chem tutor exam, do my 3 weeks late physics hw, help my cute little year 9 friends and anyone else who needs help, and start my gma study for my test before i fail it literally :|
and sigh kk, i luv u and iv only said it to two people so far but...
KK AND SONAM I MARSHMELLOW YOU BOTH
or rather i CUCCUMBER U
or wait i LOLLIPOP u
thats sounds nicer loll
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